I was sitting with my morning coffee when my 6-year-old nephew pointed to the TV in my den and asked, “Why did the plane fall into the water?" That's when it hit me – so many parents are probably having similar moments right now, trying to find the right words for their kids.
As a therapist, I've seen how everyone processes tragic events differently. Just yesterday, a mother told me her teenager hadn't stopped checking news updates on TikTok and was continually having panic attacks, while her 8-year-old was anxious about an upcoming family vacation and said he “did not want to go on an airplane ever again.” Her five year old who always slept in her own bed has now reverted to sleeping in her bed every night. This is likely because they sense the anxiety and stress in the house and are now anxious themselves. Every child, brings its own challenges and has their own unique fears.
If you have toddlers or preschoolers, here are some practical ways to help:
- Create a "safe space" corner with soft pillows and favorite stuffed animals
- Use play therapy at home - dolls and toys can help them express feelings
- Stick to familiar routines - same bedtime stories, same meal times
- Try calming activities like bubble-blowing or water play
- Use simple art projects to express emotions - finger painting, crayons or sticky dough
- Read books about feelings (like "The Way I Feel" or "The Feelings Book")
- Practice deep breathing using fun imagery like "smell the flower, blow the pinwheel"
For elementary school children (ages 6-11), try these approaches:
- Create a "worry box" where they can write down fears and put them away
- Start a feelings journal with colors, faces, or numbers to rate emotions
- Do physical activities together to release stress - dancing, walking outside, yoga
- Make a "helping others" project - cards for first responders, care packages
- Create a daily "checking in" ritual at breakfast or bedtime
- Make a safety plan together for various situations to help them feel secure
Teenagers process tragedy differently – they're old enough to understand the implications but might not have the emotional tools to handle such heavy news. Social media complicates things further, as they're bombarded with information and opinions. I encourage parents to keep communication open by letting your teens come to you first, without forcing conversations.
For teens (ages 12-17), consider these strategies:
- Create media-free zones and times in the house
- Encourage healthy social connections with friends
- Help them find ways to take positive action in their community
- Share appropriate information about flight safety and statistics
- Practice stress-management techniques together (meditation apps, exercise)
- Encourage creative expression through music, art, or writing
- Maintain open-door policy for conversations without pressure
- Include them in family decisions about travel and safety
Young adults might seem better equipped to handle such news, but they too need support. They might be grappling with bigger questions about life's uncertainty or feeling helpless.
For your young adult children (18+):
- Share reliable resources for staying informed
- Discuss healthy ways to engage with news and social media
- Connect them with community service opportunities
- Maintain regular check-ins without hovering
- Share your own coping strategies while respecting their independence
- Encourage maintaining routine and self-care
- Support their chosen methods of processing (activism, exercise)
- Help them find professional support if needed
Remember, there's no perfect way to handle these situations. Some days you'll feel like you're doing everything right, and others you'll question every decision. That's completely normal. What matters most is maintaining open communication, providing consistent support, and showing your children that it's okay to feel anxious or not.
Most importantly, take care of yourself too. Children look to their parents and other adults for cues about how to react to tragedy. Show them that it's okay to feel sad while still maintaining hope and finding ways to help others. Together, we can help our children build resilience while honoring their natural emotional responses to difficult events.
What signs should parents watch for? Changes in sleep patterns, appetite, or behavior are common initial responses. These reactions are normal in the short term, but if they persist beyond a few weeks, consider seeking professional help. Need more specific guidance? Don’t hesitate to reach out, there’s someone here to help.